putingCRV2005

June 1, 2006

Gee!  Yesterday was a lazy day for me.  I had to come to work for three sweet short hours.  (Well girl, what do you expect?  You work part time).

Anyways.  Five minutes after I clocked in.  Five minutes on the floor, guess who I saw!??  JAY DURIAS of SOUTHBORDER!  Shopping at our Gap Store! 

Well naturally, me being a big big fan of SB, I approached him.  Introduced myself and assisted him and his companions in their shopping!  (He wears a 38×32, huh).  I even had the nerve to tell him how I met my hubby….well it’s in their website’s message board so he really has to know.  They were there for almost two hours so yea, he made my lazy day an amazing one.

Thanks, Jay. 

May 19, 2006

I am writing this not because I am sorry for all the things I have told you and the people surrounding us, and not also because I have reacted badly at what you have done.  I DO NOT FEEL SORRY FOR ALL THOSE.

You know that Monday night (May 15) when I have learned about what you two were doing to me, I couldn’t breathe!  I was ranging in anger.  I did not have anybody to run to.  Considering that the only person I trusted here, that I thought was sincere to me, and that I thought was respectful of me was involved. 

I’d just wanted to be with my Mother that night.  But apparently, that is so impossible as she is at the other side of the world.  And so as my real friends. 

I felt stabbed at my back.  Not only by him.  But by you as well.  You know how I treated you as my friend although I already have a hunch that I can hardly call you one.  (I can even hardly call you a wife and a mother).  I am a woman and I feel those.  But who am I to judge you.  After all, I thought you were indeed a friend.

He may be having problems with me and that’s what he said.  But what hurts is that he couldn’t pinpoint to me what exactly is it that I did wrong.  He couldn’t tell what is it that I did or did not do.

On the other hand, I was told that you were having problems with your family that’s why you moved out Friday, May 12.  (You even told it to me over the phone).

But do you honestly think that it is all worth it to be flirty and a tease?????

I put him up in the pedestal.  My family and friends were jealous of me.  Jealous of the fact that I have almost everything.  And every time people ask me how am I doing, I just would tell them I have never been happier in my life.  Although there are times that he too, would have his own share of shortcoming.  But I’d rather look past on those because after all he is only human.  And I don’t want people to think that he’s the same as all men are. 

Going back at you, I know I have not told this to anybody but I feel your eyes every time we see each other.  I feel how jealous your looks are.  I probably was right, because like what I said earlier I have almost everything.  I may be married but I must admit that I still am getting what I want and I was not complained much about that.

There are times when I would feel that I pity you. I know that both you and “your husband” have your own jobs to fend for your family’s wants and needs.  But it is always the same old stuff that you have.

A couple days after what happened, I heard from someone that she herself, would get worried if her husband is young and is just a few inches away from you.  well you know what, I don’t feel that way.  That the first time, I saw you and you have befriended me, I knew that you are not totally a threat to me. 

You are the one who is jealous.  You are the one who is a tease.  You are the one who’s marriage is falling apart however hard you try to tell people that you have a good family.  You are your husband’s problem and not the other way around.  (After all, why is there a “Dave” in your life!).

Now you are scared of me.  At what I am capable of doing back at you.  You think I am going to get even?  Well you don’t need to worry because I am not going to stalk at you like what you are worried of me doing.

Dara Smith, I am not doing that because I know where I stand.  I know what I have and what you don’t.  I know I would not just stoop down on your level.  I know I pity you.

And you still have the nerve to ask me if we could still be friends?  Are you even sane to think first before asking that?  Well you can try everything but I am not lifting a finger to help you and to bring back to people how good your image was.  If ever there really was one.

Oh you know what I just did after all these?  Well I immediately replaced my daughter’s baptism certificate and have your name removed from the list of her godparents.

MY FIRST BORN IS NOW A YEAR OLD!

May 9, 2006

How fast time flies!  It is a year ago when I gave birth to my most precious KATRINA YSABEL.

I remember having very painful contractions which started the Friday before that Monday –May 9 that I gave birth to her.  I was even hoping to give birth to her on May 5, 2005.  You know, I think it is cute to write your child’s birth date as 05/05/05 when on that format.

But May 9, 2005 that is!  It was my Expected Due Date as provided by the first OB Gynecologist I had seen in the Philippines when I found out I was preggy.  Actually my real EDD was May 10 but since I gave birth here in the US, I am in a different time zone but it was already May 10 in the Philippines when my baby was born.

5:00 AM.  I woke my hubby up and told him I could no longer take the very, very strong contractions.  Imagine I have been feeling the baby pushing her way down since May 6 ’05 – two and a half days of the most uncomfortable and most painful stage of my pregnancy.  But every time I’d phone my hospital – Evergreen Medical Hospital in Kirkland, WA, the nurses-on-duty would only advice to keep track of my contractions as they were still irregular despite all my pain.  So it was a relief when that morning we called and told the nurse about my condition and she said that we come down there FINALLY!

5:30 AM.  After undergoing some tests, the nurse told us to get a room as they were admitting me already.  I was about 5cm.  From then on, I no longer felt anxious.  Although walking from the testing room to my hospital room was so hard.  I just knew that I am seeing my baby in a few hours.  So excitement was the only feeling I had.  And I and my hubby would kid each other too.  A lot.

And by the way, on the way to the hospital, I told him that I’d be having an epidural.  Kind of a last minute decision as before that, I thought I’d prefer taking no pain relievers.

6:30 AM.  The anesthesiologist was injecting epidural on me in my hospital room.

7:00 AM.  I am no longer feeling anything from my stomach down to my feet.  Thus, I continued to labor while feeling a little drowsy and sleepy.

7:30 AM.  My OB-Gyne Mary Tsuang came by and checked on me.  She referred to my baby as the Mariner Fan Baby as she saw me one time in April 2005 in Safeco Field having my first-time-watching-the-M’s-played.  I was a couple of weeks away from my EDD that time.

9:00 AM.  My doctor “broke” my water bag.  I remember still not feeling anything about that.  I was just busy trying to get as much rest as I could while watching Spanglish as one of the DVDs I brought with me to the hospital.

11:00 AM.  My doctor said that there was no progress in my dilation as it stopped at about 6.5cm.  Likewise, my baby’s umbilical cord was wrapped around her ankles squeezing them as she pushes her way down.  Also, my body temp. was pretty high however hard I thought I was perfectly fine.  I knew I was not having fever and that I was not nervous.  In fact, I was just REALLY EXCITED to see my baby.  BUT my doctor said that a C-Section would be a wise decision on that moment.

11:20 AM.  I was wheeled to the C-Section Delivery Room.  I was with my hubby still but then, I started feeling a little scared.  He was beside me, holding my hand as the doctors (now they were a groupie!  ..Of about eight members including assistants and nurses, etc.)  put up a small curtain to cover my tummy so I would not see the things that they would be doing.  And my drowsiness increased as they gave me a new set of anesthesia.   

I tried hard not to cry as I was trying hard to be brave.  But when one tear fell from me, my anesthesiologist wiped it out promptly and whispered that I should not worry and that everything is going fine.  That’s when I started sobbing…real and plenty of tears.

11:36 AM.  I heard my baby cried! It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.  I was crying and laughing and blurting out:  MY BABY.  MY BABY. 

Minutes later, I could see her as the nurses cleaned her a few inches away from my bed.  And that very moment, I remembered my Mother.  My baby has fair skin and I thought she must have gotten it from my Mom.  I was thinking hard about my Mom and how important she is.  I was even wishing she was with us as she is one of the most excited people about my baby as this is her first grandchild from her first born and from her only daughter.  I am so grateful that I have a Mother like her and that because of her and my father, I am here, alive and delivering my baby. 

So that is how we got the “Y” for Katrina Ysabel’s second name.  It  is for my Mother-Yolanda.

More minutes later, after the nurses are done with Katrina, my husband brought her to me.  I was so amazed that while still sobbing, all I could still say was:  MY BABY.  MY BABY.

She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.  She was 7.5 pounds.  She was pink and white.  She has a very cute nose.  She has very thick and black hair which she must have gotten from her Daddy.  And her eyes were like mine.

Days, weeks, and months passed, my Baby Katrina always delights me.  Well not just me, but everyone else in the family.  She always gets:  OH SHE HAS VERY BEAUTIFUL EYES!  LIKE THE WERE SMILING! ,  OH SHE HAS A PRETTY SMILE!, ETC.  even from strangers.

With all her first “firsts”, we tried to capture them all in a camera.  Her first thanksgiving, her first Christmas, her first Easter, her first roll-over, her first steps, etc.

She had her first trip when me and the family went to Vancouver, BC in September 2005 to visit my maternal relatives while my maternal Grandmother was leaving for the Philippines too.

She had her surgery also in September 2005.  It was very hard for me and my husband to see her go through that but we were strong for her.  Fortunately, she recovered well and fast.

She was baptized on January 15, 2006 at the St.Thomas More Catholic Church.  And she had a reception for that in a Filipino Restaurant.

In March 2006, we went to the Philippines when my Grandmother died.  On the positive side, it was a kind of a good trip because my parents and my brother got to see my daughter and spend time with her even just for three weeks.  That was Katrina’s first international trip.  First ride in a plane.

Now that she is one, she still never fail to delight me.  She always, always brighten my days with her own little but great ways.  She even know how to show sympathy every time I am sad.  She’d hug and kiss me, and smile at me.

She is the most beautiful baby.  But I know I can never forgive her if she grows real fast!

PS.  For her birthday, we are throwing a small lunch party on May 13, 2006 at Taste Of Manila in Edmonds, WA at 2:00 PM.  And YOU are invited!

MY FIRST BORN IS NOW A YEAR OLD!

May 9, 2006

How fast time flies!  It is a year ago when I gave birth to my most precious KATRINA YSABEL.

I remember having very painful contractions which started the Friday before that Monday –May 9 that I gave birth to her.  I was even hoping to give birth to her on May 5, 2005.  You know, I think it is cute to write your child’s birth date as 05/05/05 when on that format.

But May 9, 2005 that is!  It was my Expected Due Date as provided by the first OB Gynecologist I had seen in the

Philippines

when I found out I was preggy.  Actually my real EDD was May 10 but since I gave birth here in the

US

, I am in a different time zone but it was already May 10 in the

Philippines

when my baby was born.

5:00 AM.  I woke my hubby up and told him I could no longer take the very, very strong contractions.  Imagine I have been feeling the baby pushing her way down since May 6 ’05 – two and a half days of the most uncomfortable and most painful stage of my pregnancy.  But every time I’d phone my hospital –

Evergreen

Medical

Hospital

in

Kirkland

,

WA

, the nurses-on-duty would only advice to keep track of my contractions as they were still irregular despite all my pain.  So it was a relief when that morning we called and told the nurse about my condition and she said that we come down there FINALLY!

5:30 AM.  After undergoing some tests, the nurse told us to get a room as they were admitting me already.  I was about 5cm.  From then on, I no longer felt anxious.  Although walking from the testing room to my hospital room was so hard.  I just knew that I am seeing my baby in a few hours.  So excitement was the only feeling I had.  And I and my hubby would kid each other too.  A lot.

And by the way, on the way to the hospital, I told him that I’d be having an epidural.  Kind of a last minute decision as before that, I thought I’d prefer taking no pain relievers.

6:30 AM.  The anesthesiologist was injecting epidural on me in my hospital room.

7:00 AM.  I am no longer feeling anything from my stomach down to my feet.  Thus, I continued to labor while feeling a little drowsy and sleepy.

7:30 AM.  My OB-Gyne Mary Tsuang came by and checked on me.  She referred to my baby as the Mariner Fan Baby as she saw me one time in April 2005 in Safeco Field having my first-time-watching-the-M’s-played.  I was a couple of weeks away from my EDD that time.

9:00 AM.  My doctor “broke” my water bag.  I remember still not feeling anything about that.  I was just busy trying to get as much rest as I could while watching Spanglish as one of the DVDs I brought with me to the hospital.

11:00 AM.  My doctor said that there was no progress in my dilation as it stopped at about 6.5cm.  Likewise, my baby’s umbilical cord was wrapped around her ankles squeezing them as she pushes her way down.  Also, my body temp. was pretty high however hard I thought I was perfectly fine.  I knew I was not having fever and that I was not nervous.  In fact, I was just REALLY EXCITED to see my baby.  BUT my doctor said that a C-Section would be a wise decision on that moment.

11:20 AM.  I was wheeled to the C-Section Delivery Room.  I was with my hubby still but then, I started feeling a little scared.  He was beside me, holding my hand as the doctors (now they were a groupie!  ..Of about eight members including assistants and nurses, etc.)  put up a small curtain to cover my tummy so I would not see the things that they would be doing.  And my drowsiness increased as they gave me a new set of anesthesia.   

I tried hard not to cry as I was trying hard to be brave.  But when one tear fell from me, my anesthesiologist wiped it out promptly and whispered that I should not worry and that everything is going fine.  That’s when I started sobbing…real and plenty of tears.

11:36 AM.  I heard my baby cried! It was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard.  I was crying and laughing and blurting out:  MY BABY.  MY BABY. 

Minutes later, I could see her as the nurses cleaned her a few inches away from my bed.  And that very moment, I remembered my Mother.  My baby has fair skin and I thought she must have gotten it from my Mom.  I was thinking hard about my Mom and how important she is.  I was even wishing she was with us as she is one of the most excited people about my baby as this is her first grandchild from her first born and from her only daughter.  I am so grateful that I have a Mother like her and that because of her and my father, I am here, alive and delivering my baby. 

So that is how we got the “Y” for Katrina Ysabel’s second name.  It  is for my Mother-Yolanda.

More minutes later, after the nurses are done with Katrina, my husband brought her to me.  I was so amazed that while still sobbing, all I could still say was:  MY BABY.  MY BABY.

She is the most beautiful baby I have ever seen.  She was 7.5 pounds.  She was pink and white.  She has a very cute nose.  She has very thick and black hair which she must have gotten from her Daddy.  And her eyes were like mine.

Days, weeks, and months passed, my Baby Katrina always delights me.  Well not just me, but everyone else in the family.  She always gets:  OH SHE HAS VERY BEAUTIFUL EYES!  LIKE THE WERE SMILING! ,  OH SHE HAS A PRETTY SMILE!, ETC.  even from strangers.

With all her first “firsts”, we tried to capture them all in a camera.  Her first thanksgiving, her first Christmas, her first Easter, her first roll-over, her first steps, etc.

She had her first trip when me and the family went to

Vancouver

,

BC

in September 2005 to visit my maternal relatives while my maternal Grandmother was leaving for the

Philippines

too.

She had her surgery also in September 2005.  It was very hard for me and my husband to see her go through that but we were strong for her.  Fortunately, she recovered well and fast.

She was baptized on January 15, 2006 at the St.Thomas More Catholic Church.  And she had a reception for that in a Filipino Restaurant.

In March 2006, we went to the

Philippines

when my Grandmother died.  On the positive side, it was a kind of a good trip because my parents and my brother got to see my daughter and spend time with her even just for three weeks.  That was Katrina’s first international trip.  First ride in a plane.

Now that she is one, she still never fail to delight me.  She always, always brighten my days with her own little but great ways.  She even know how to show sympathy every time I am sad.  She’d hug and kiss me, and smile at me.

She is the most beautiful baby.  But I know I can never forgive her if she grows real fast!

PS.  For her birthday, we are throwing a small lunch party on May 13, 2006 at Taste Of

Manila

in

Edmonds

,

WA

at 2:00 PM.  And YOU are invited!

May 6, 2006

I do not have an idea on how to start on this.  I am so overwhelmed with thoughts, emotions, and yes, concerns.

But maybe, I could express my gratefulness to you first!

Thank you.  Thank you for finding  time and interest in reading this.  That way I know someone is willing to listen to me.  (Well if you are still reading this, then yes, apparently you are “listening” to me.  Although technically, you are reading.  I just hope that you will continue doing so, or at least for the rest of this.  Otherwise, if I am starting to bore you, you can just stop anytime).

…so are you still with me?

YES you are.  So.  Thank you once again.

So let me start…(as if I haven’t started yet).

From where I “originated”, I do have a handful of “real great friends” that I can literally and figuratively run to.  You know when life gets bitchy and stuff, I have people to talk about it with.  Whether in person or by phone.  I know I may be sounding strange but this is reality for me right here and right now.  See I have made a good number of acquaintances with people from where I am now.  I get invites to parties and some night- outs and/or get-togethers once in a while.  I have happy workmates that could brighten lazy working days with their compliments and stuff.  BUT I do not have the “real great friends” in here.  Not yet, at least.  But I am hoping that I would have one or a couple in the near future.

So OK.  My life right her and right now is shall I say, fine.  Or I thought it is.  I have my own things and routines going on around me.

But just so you know, I am also facing a major concern about things that a married person should not be entertaining, considering the fact that I do have my own little family starting.

And lately I have had a lot of complains (mainly due to that major concern).  And I have been a huge burden to this particular person.  I know that with the decisions I am harshly making, this person is so sacrificing a lot more than I am.

I actually did not realize how angry this person is becoming with the personality that he/she is now discovering on me.  And this is one thing that I least likely to hear from him/her a few moments ago when we were discussing things about my “major concern”:

            “I do not know the reason why I met you.  My life was fine.  Now  I have you,

            maybe there is a reason for that.  You know, you’re JUST there. 

And  it seems like you’re doing nothing.”

…Or something like that.  It was not the exact same words that he/she told me but can you blame me for not remembering every single word?  I mean it’s like him/her saying to my face:  Hey!  Read my lips…you do not have anything worthy that you have done to me but bring me your troubles!

Ouch.  Well today is a week and a day before Mother’s Day ’06 and this is what I am getting.

I mean, how could he/she not consider the things that I have sacrificed for him/her.  The things that I am trying hard to do everyday however physically tired I am.  The things that I am doing just to compensate on things that I am not and on things that I do not have.  The things that I get from him/her when I need someone to listen to me. Because sometimes I’d rather keep some things to myself especially when I know that it is going to be additional burden for him/her. 

The things that I chose not to tell him/her because he/she wasn’t able to do things for me that he/she is suppose to do. 

I know he/she is not perfect.  But neither do I.

Well maybe he/she is right.  That I am pathetic.  That I am a parasite.  That I am so full of drama.  That I am always complaining.  That I am inconsiderate.  That I am selfish.  That yes, I am just a burden to him/her.

Oh well.  This is my life.  Right here.  Right now.   So again, may be I could not blame him/her when he/she starts giving me cold shoulders.  And that’s where YOU just came in, my friend…to listen to me.

And I thank you for that.