“Could You Listen To Me?”
May 6, 2006
I do not have an idea on how to start on this. I am so overwhelmed with thoughts, emotions, and yes, concerns.
But maybe, I could express my gratefulness to you first!
Thank you. Thank you for finding time and interest in reading this. That way I know someone is willing to listen to me. (Well if you are still reading this, then yes, apparently you are “listening” to me. Although technically, you are reading. I just hope that you will continue doing so, or at least for the rest of this. Otherwise, if I am starting to bore you, you can just stop anytime).
…so are you still with me?
YES you are. So. Thank you once again.
So let me start…(as if I haven’t started yet).
From where I “originated”, I do have a handful of “real great friends” that I can literally and figuratively run to. You know when life gets bitchy and stuff, I have people to talk about it with. Whether in person or by phone. I know I may be sounding strange but this is reality for me right here and right now. See I have made a good number of acquaintances with people from where I am now. I get invites to parties and some night- outs and/or get-togethers once in a while. I have happy workmates that could brighten lazy working days with their compliments and stuff. BUT I do not have the “real great friends” in here. Not yet, at least. But I am hoping that I would have one or a couple in the near future.
So OK. My life right her and right now is shall I say, fine. Or I thought it is. I have my own things and routines going on around me.
But just so you know, I am also facing a major concern about things that a married person should not be entertaining, considering the fact that I do have my own little family starting.
And lately I have had a lot of complains (mainly due to that major concern). And I have been a huge burden to this particular person. I know that with the decisions I am harshly making, this person is so sacrificing a lot more than I am.
I actually did not realize how angry this person is becoming with the personality that he/she is now discovering on me. And this is one thing that I least likely to hear from him/her a few moments ago when we were discussing things about my “major concern”:
“I do not know the reason why I met you. My life was fine. Now I have you,
maybe there is a reason for that. You know, you’re JUST there.
And it seems like you’re doing nothing.”
…Or something like that. It was not the exact same words that he/she told me but can you blame me for not remembering every single word? I mean it’s like him/her saying to my face: Hey! Read my lips…you do not have anything worthy that you have done to me but bring me your troubles!
Ouch. Well today is a week and a day before Mother’s Day ’06 and this is what I am getting.
I mean, how could he/she not consider the things that I have sacrificed for him/her. The things that I am trying hard to do everyday however physically tired I am. The things that I am doing just to compensate on things that I am not and on things that I do not have. The things that I get from him/her when I need someone to listen to me. Because sometimes I’d rather keep some things to myself especially when I know that it is going to be additional burden for him/her.
The things that I chose not to tell him/her because he/she wasn’t able to do things for me that he/she is suppose to do.
I know he/she is not perfect. But neither do I.
Well maybe he/she is right. That I am pathetic. That I am a parasite. That I am so full of drama. That I am always complaining. That I am inconsiderate. That I am selfish. That yes, I am just a burden to him/her.
Oh well. This is my life. Right here. Right now. So again, may be I could not blame him/her when he/she starts giving me cold shoulders. And that’s where YOU just came in, my friend…to listen to me.
And I thank you for that.
